| Police Officer,
Martha N. Jameson, made an arrest today in the murder of
Sammy Williams. The District Attorney Jake Douglas promptly
appeared on the court house steps to announce the arrest of
Joe Smith, a supervisor where Sammy worked. Joe had told
police that Sammy had never visited him at his home. Sammy's
finger prints were found on a book of matches found beneath
a cushion on Joe's couch. Jake says that there is more
evidence, but that he does not wish to make the evidence
public at the moment.
After the press conference on the court steps, I found
Sammy's girlfriend Whinny Whipper and asked her what she
thought about the arrest. She said the prosecution office
had been approaching her about rehearsing some things they
wanted her to say at the trial. They also wanted to
make sure she knew how to cry in a way that would make the
jury feel sorry for her and angry at the suspect. She said
they were totally sucking up to her and trying to make her
think they were her friend, when only two days before they
had accused her of all sorts of things. She told me that she
wasn't sure what she was going to do. She said that if Joe
did it, she wanted him punished. She then added that
Sammy always talked fondly of Joe. She then gave me a
lead. She told me talk to a lawyer by the name of Roy
Rubbers.
I called up old Roy. I knew him by reputation as a
totally sleazy lawyer. I told pompous Roy that I knew
someone who might be able to get him a book deal. He
first pretended to be ignorant of what I was
suggesting. I told him that I knew a publisher who would
really like to get the dirt on the relationship between
Sammy and Joe. Roy told me that there was no
relationship. He said there was just a pending sexual harassment suit. I
had to laugh. Then I demanded Roy tell me who had put
him up to lying to the police. I thought I could make Roy
tell me. Yeah, I spent the next couple of hours in the
emergency room.
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Horoscope by Pokie & Bear
Forecast may
apply to the third, fifth, and seventh day after you've read this. Forecast
Expires August 20 or when you stand on your head and stick out your
tongue. |
Aries - March 21 to April 20
| First Decan Mars |
Second Decan Sun |
Third Decan Venus |
Try not to get too angry. Just
consider everyone is wrong but you and let it go.
The other person is going to do it their way no
matter what names you call them. |
Taurus April 21 to May 20
| First Decan Mercury |
Second Decan Moon |
Third Decan Saturn |
Something that you think you have lost
may be found, unless of course we are talking
virginity. A lost love may make contact with you and
totally piss you off. |
Gemini May 21 to June 20
| First Decan Jupiter |
Second Decan Mar |
Third Decan Sun |
You and a Scorpio may have the same
dream, but you are less likely to remember it.
Ask a Scorpio if they have had a dream about a
strange gold fish out of water. They'll
probably say no, but don't believe them. Still,
don't argue with them. Just change the
conversation to yard work. The conversation is
likely to progress, and you may discover something
you have in common with them.
|
Cancer June 21 to July 22
| First Decan Venus |
Second Decan Mercury |
Third Decan Moon |
Times are a changing but don't let it
get you down. You can't go home again. Well,
you can but someone else probably lives there.
That is, unless the house has been torn down.
Face it, there is no point in trying to mend fences,
build bridges, or make nice with people you haven't
seen in years. Look for new accomplices to share
your passions. History is for people who dwell on
past mistakes and you don't need that.
|
Leo July 23 to August 22
| First Decan Saturn |
Second Decan Jupiter |
Third Decan Mars |
You keep having an odd feeling.
Don't mistake it for an orgasm. You might want to
chase the dude who just stole your money. Don't try
to jump ditches. You might get wet.
Don't try to swing on vines. You aren't
Tarzan. Don't share any head lice. You don't
need a monkey on your back.
|
Virgo August 23 to September 22
| First Decan Sun |
Second Decan Venus |
Third Decan Mercury |
That person who keeps smiling at you
and giving you a wink is hiding something. It may be
a nervous condition or something else. A good day to
take a drive out into the country and relax.
|
Libra September 23 to October 23
| First Decan Moon |
Second Decan Saturn |
Third Decan Jupiter |
Don't give in to depression. An itch
may get you in trouble. Beware of blondes who think
they are smarter than you are. Give yourself a
simple gift, but don't open it until you've
forgotten about it.
|
Scorpio October 23 to November 22
| First Decan Mars |
Second Decan Sun |
Third Decan Venus |
War is on the way and you know it. The
economy is doomed and you know it. The sky is
falling but you only suspect. Still, probably not a
good day to pitch a drunk. Invite a friend over for
popcorn and a video.
|
Sagittarius November 23 to December 21
| First Decan Mercury |
Second Decan Moon |
Third Decan Saturn |
You sense a smell in the air and it
causes you to sneeze. You get a migraine as you are
trying to write checks. Someone keeps playing their
radio too loud. Everything seems to be getting
on your nerves. Exercising may relax you and make
you feel better.
|
Capricorn December 22 to January 20
| First Decan Jupiter |
Second Decan Mars |
Third Decan Sun |
Your lucky numbers are
17,35,19,58,16,21,91,12 but only if these number
mean something to you. A street address or phone
number may be of special importance.
|
Aquarius January 21 to February 20
| First Decan Venus |
Second Decan Mercury |
Third Decan Moon |
The sun is rising and the moon is
setting. You feel as though you are in the
twilight of every goal you have ever set for
yourself. A friend may slap you in your face and you
wake up from lost dreams.
|
Pisces February 21 to March 20
| First Decan Saturn |
Second Decan Jupiter |
Third Decan Mars |
There is a storm brewing. The limbs of
a tree rub you the wrong way. Step back and look at
the tree. Only if climb the tree will you rise above
the problems that bother you. But what you are
tempted to do may be dangerous for there is a storm
brewing.
|
|
While
Oscar was in the emergency room, I did some sleuthing and
found Roy's secretary in a Psychiatric Care unit. When I
started my search, I just thought she was out to lunch as in
eating somewhere. Then I found her son. Can you guess
who her son is? Her son is the husband of no other than Martha N.
Jameson. I asked her son, Billy Jameson, if there was anyway
I could talk to his mother. He said no, that he wasn't even
be allowed inside of the ward to see his mother. I asked him what had
happened that caused her to end up the Mental Hospital.
He was told that she had tried to kill herself. He said
he met the person that
pulled her out of the water from where she had jumped off a
bridge, but he wouldn't give me the person's name. Later I
read a report revealing the bridge that she'd reportedly
jumped from is about 1 mile from where the body of Sammy
Williams was found. I asked Billy if his mother knew Sammy.
It was then that Billy told me about a missing police
report. His mother, Sarah Jameson, had found Sammy going
through the desk of Roy Rubbers. Sammy had begged her not to
call the police, but she had anyway. Billy told me that ever
since Sammy's death, his mother had been in a state of
extreme depression.
I asked Billy if he knew that Roy Rubbers was now
saying that Sammy was a client and that had been about to
file a sexual harassment suit against Joe Smith. Billy
laughed. Billy told me, "Roy had told mom that Sammy was
a client. Mom knew that wasn't true. But Roy made sure that
Sammy was not held for breaking and entering. None of it
really mattered to mom. She had felt confident that calling
the police had been the right thing to do, up until Sammy
turned up dead. At that point she had my wife see what she
might find out."
I asked Billy what his wife had been able to
discover. Billy then gave me an odd look and I saw his
wife standing off from where we'd been talking. He
walked over to her and then they both left before I could
ask her any questions.
| Victim: Sammy The Spoon Williams |
| Coroner says The Spoon had three knife wounds,
rope burns on both of his wrist, a broken ankle, two cracked ribs, a collapsed
lung, and a brain hemorrhage. He also had a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the
sleeve of his T-Shirt. |
Suspect List *All Suspects
Are Now Known |
| Whinny Whipper |
| Mr. Harry Whipper |
| Miss Mary Whipper |
| Blonde Hunk - Spence Calley |
| July 18 |
| Joe Smith - Supervisor at the
Deplume Warehouse |
| Steve Knight - Bartender at the
Bluetech Savage Club |
| August 15 |
| Martha N. Jameson - Police Officer |
| Jake Douglas - District
Attorney |
| Roy Rubbers - Sleazy Lawyer |
| Billy Jameson - Fisherman and husband
of Martha |
| Sarah Jameson - Secretary of Roy. Mother
of Billy. |
| Places |
| Deplume Warehouse where victim worked. |
| Whipper Home |
Whitier Bar and Grill Where Whinny and Sammy
would eat. Some witnesses say they would sometimes get a private room. |
| July 18 |
| The Bluetech Savage Club |
| Motives |
Crime of Jealousy
|
|
| Crime of Revenge |
|
| Crime of Passion |
|
| Crime for Profit |
|
| Cover-up |
|
Additional Notes
|
|
| Whinny Whipper Found Sammy's body floating in the
ocean next to a boat. Will Oscar Dehound think to find out to whom the boat
belongs? Stay BookMarked and see if you can figure the mystery out. |
|
July 19 The person who owns the boat has not
been mentioned yet. |
|
|
| TV Information |
| ABC - Not a thing on worth watching |
| CBS - Not a thing on worth watching |
| NBC - Not a thing on worth watching |
| FOX, WB, UPN In fierce competition with the other
networks, they have succeeded in copying their rivals. |
| Humor |
78.2% of all statistics are meaningless.
|
There was once a single man who lived in the
city. Everyday he went to work and then came home.
He liked the single life, but sometimes he would get
lonely, and when that happened he would hire a
whore. As the years went by, he eventually started
craving something a little different. One day he saw
an add in the newspaper: *Madam Zoe's - We Cater To
Every Taste*. So he went to Madam Zoe's and informed
her of his desire for something different. She said
she had just the thing for him: a Rhode Island Red
Rooster that gave the best blow job in town. She led
him into a private room and left him alone with the
rooster. The man spent three hours trying to cajole
the rooster into giving him a blow job, with no
success. He left Madam Zoe's very dissatisfied.
Several months later he decided to give it a second
chance, and returned to Madam Zoe's. This time the
Madam said she KNEW she had just the thing for him.
She led him into a dark room where several men were
sitting around staring intently at a one way mirror.
On the other side of the mirror was a woman in bed
with a turkey. "Wow! That's Nuts!" said
the man. The other men turned to him and one of them
said "Oh, that's nothing! You should have been
here a couple of months ago when the guy spent three
hours trying to get a blow job from a rooster!
|
| A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock
news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50
that the man in the lead story, who is threatening
to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet," the blonde replied.
A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to
report that the man had, indeed, jumped form the
building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for
having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde
and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies,
"I owe you $50 dollars." The redhead,
feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you
don't understand, I saw the 5:30 edition, so I knew
how it was going to turn out." "That's
okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it
earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it
again." |
| Factoid |
The Wizard of Oz was a Broadway musical 37 years
before the MGM film version was made..
What
is the difference between a Mystery Novel and a
Suspense Novel?
A Mystery Novel is
puzzle-oriented and provides clues so that the
reader can attempt to solve the mystery along with
the detective, reporter, or who ever in the story is
trying to solve the mystery.
A Suspense Novel or Thriller is more action
oriented with the main characters trying to
accomplish/stop something. These Novels tend
be Spy or Conspiracy, or Terrorism Novels.
|
| Speculation |
| What book category might Columbo be correctly
placed? |
|