Issue 002- August 17, 2001
Can You Separate Fact From Fiction - Don't Try!!!    
A Cyber Magazine and Game   
Disclaimer: Everything written here should be considered fiction.
Any truth, proper grammar, or correct spelling is totally coincidental.
Editor in Chief - Atajay Plupiter    
Feature Ace Reporter: Oscar DeHound mailto:oscar@sayata.every1.net    
  Feature Reporter: Duchess Floppeyears

   
Murder At the Savannah Docks
by Oscar DeHound
Murder At the Savannah Docks
by Duchess Floppeyears
Police Officer, Martha N. Jameson, made an arrest today in the murder of Sammy Williams. The District Attorney Jake Douglas promptly appeared on the court house steps to announce the arrest of Joe Smith, a supervisor where Sammy worked. Joe had told police that Sammy had never visited him at his home. Sammy's finger prints were found on a book of matches found beneath a cushion on Joe's couch. Jake says that there is more evidence, but that he does not wish to make the evidence public at the moment. 

After the press conference on the court steps, I found Sammy's girlfriend Whinny Whipper and asked her what she thought about the arrest. She said the prosecution office had been approaching her about rehearsing some things they wanted her to say at the trial.  They also wanted to make sure she knew how to cry in a way that would make the jury feel sorry for her and angry at the suspect. She said they were totally sucking up to her and trying to make her think they were her friend, when only two days before they had accused her of all sorts of things. She told me that she wasn't sure what she was going to do. She said that if Joe did it, she wanted him punished.  She then added that Sammy always talked fondly of Joe. She then gave me a lead.  She told me talk to a lawyer by the name of Roy Rubbers.

I called up old Roy.  I knew him by reputation as a totally sleazy lawyer. I told pompous Roy that I knew someone who might be able to get him a book deal.  He first pretended to be ignorant of what I was suggesting.  I told him that I knew a publisher who would really like to get the dirt on the relationship between Sammy and Joe. Roy told me that there was no relationship.  He said there was just a pending sexual harassment suit. I had to laugh.  Then I demanded Roy tell me who had put him up to lying to the police. I thought I could make Roy tell me. Yeah, I spent the next couple of hours in the emergency room.


Have a Bogus News Tip on this Story or some other story, Please Send It to mailto:oscar@sayata.every1.net


Horoscope
by Pokie & Bear

Forecast may apply to the third, fifth, and seventh day after you've read this. Forecast Expires August 20 or when you stand on your head and stick out your tongue.
Aries - March 21 to April 20
First Decan Mars Second Decan Sun Third Decan Venus

Try not to get too angry.  Just consider everyone is wrong but you and let it go. The other person is going to do it their way no matter what names you call them.
Taurus April 21 to May 20
First Decan Mercury Second Decan Moon Third Decan Saturn

Something that you think you have lost may be found, unless of course we are talking virginity. A lost love may make contact with you and totally piss you off.
Gemini May 21 to June 20
First Decan Jupiter Second Decan Mar Third Decan Sun

You and a Scorpio may have the same dream, but you are less likely to remember it.  Ask a Scorpio if they have had a dream about a strange gold fish out of water.  They'll probably say no, but don't believe them. Still, don't argue with them.  Just change the conversation to yard work. The conversation is likely to progress, and you may discover something you have in common with them.

 

Cancer June 21 to July 22
First Decan Venus Second Decan Mercury Third Decan Moon

Times are a changing but don't let it get you down. You can't go home again.  Well, you can but someone else probably lives there.  That is, unless the house has been torn down.  Face it, there is no point in trying to mend fences, build bridges, or make nice with people you haven't seen in years. Look for new accomplices to share your passions. History is for people who dwell on past mistakes and you don't need that.

 

Leo July 23 to August 22
First Decan Saturn Second Decan Jupiter Third Decan Mars

You keep having an odd feeling.  Don't mistake it for an orgasm. You might want to chase the dude who just stole your money. Don't try to jump ditches.  You might get wet.  Don't try to swing on vines.  You aren't Tarzan.  Don't share any head lice. You don't need a monkey on your back.
Virgo August 23 to September 22
First Decan Sun Second Decan Venus Third Decan Mercury

That person who keeps smiling at you and giving you a wink is hiding something. It may be a nervous condition or something else. A good day to take a drive out into the country and relax.

 

Libra September 23 to October 23
First Decan Moon Second Decan Saturn Third Decan Jupiter

Don't give in to depression. An itch may get you in trouble. Beware of blondes who think they are smarter than you are. Give yourself a simple gift, but don't open it until you've forgotten about it.

 

Scorpio October 23 to November 22
First Decan Mars Second Decan Sun Third Decan Venus

War is on the way and you know it. The economy is doomed and you know it. The sky is falling but you only suspect. Still, probably not a good day to pitch a drunk. Invite a friend over for popcorn and a video.

 

Sagittarius November 23 to December 21
First Decan Mercury Second Decan Moon Third Decan Saturn


You sense a smell in the air and it causes you to sneeze. You get a migraine as you are trying to write checks. Someone keeps playing their radio too loud.  Everything seems to be getting on your nerves. Exercising may relax you and make you feel better.

 

Capricorn December 22 to January 20
First Decan Jupiter Second Decan Mars Third Decan Sun

Your lucky numbers are 17,35,19,58,16,21,91,12 but only if these number mean something to you. A street address or phone number may be of special importance. 

 

Aquarius January 21 to February 20
First Decan Venus Second Decan Mercury Third Decan Moon

The sun is rising and the moon is setting.  You feel as though you are in the twilight of every goal you have ever set for yourself. A friend may slap you in your face and you wake up from lost dreams.

 

Pisces February 21 to March 20
First Decan Saturn Second Decan Jupiter Third Decan Mars

There is a storm brewing. The limbs of a tree rub you the wrong way. Step back and look at the tree. Only if climb the tree will you rise above the problems that bother you. But what you are tempted to do may be dangerous for there is a storm brewing.

 

While Oscar was in the emergency room, I did some sleuthing and found Roy's secretary in a Psychiatric Care unit. When I started my search, I just thought she was out to lunch as in eating somewhere. Then I found her son.  Can you guess who her son is? Her son is the husband of no other than Martha N. Jameson. I asked her son, Billy Jameson, if there was anyway I could talk to his mother. He said no, that he wasn't even be allowed inside of the ward to see his mother. I asked him what had happened that caused her to end up the Mental Hospital.

He was told that she had tried to kill herself. He said he met the person that pulled her out of the water from where she had jumped off a bridge, but he wouldn't give me the person's name. Later I read a report revealing the bridge that she'd reportedly jumped from is about 1 mile from where the body of Sammy Williams was found. I asked Billy if his mother knew Sammy. It was then that Billy told me about a missing police report. His mother, Sarah Jameson, had found Sammy going through the desk of Roy Rubbers. Sammy had begged her not to call the police, but she had anyway. Billy told me that ever since Sammy's death, his mother had been in a state of extreme depression.

I asked Billy  if he knew that Roy Rubbers was now saying that Sammy was a client and that had been about to file a sexual harassment suit against Joe Smith. Billy laughed. Billy told me, "Roy had told mom that Sammy was a client. Mom knew that wasn't true. But Roy made sure that Sammy was not held for breaking and entering. None of it really mattered to mom. She had felt confident that calling the police had been the right thing to do, up until Sammy turned up dead. At that point she had my wife see what she might find out."

I asked Billy what his wife had been able to discover.  Billy then gave me an odd look and I saw his wife standing off from where we'd been talking.  He walked over to her and then they both left before I could ask her any questions.


All suspects are now listed. Can you figure out who did it and why?
Let me know what you think mailto:saysexy@saysexy.net



Victim: Sammy The Spoon Williams
Coroner says The Spoon had three knife wounds, rope burns on both of his wrist, a broken ankle, two cracked ribs, a collapsed lung, and a brain hemorrhage. He also had a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of his T-Shirt.


Suspect List
*All Suspects Are Now Known
Whinny Whipper
Mr. Harry Whipper
Miss Mary Whipper
Blonde Hunk - Spence Calley
July 18
Joe Smith - Supervisor at the Deplume Warehouse
Steve Knight - Bartender at the Bluetech Savage Club
August 15
Martha N. Jameson - Police Officer
Jake Douglas - District Attorney
Roy Rubbers - Sleazy Lawyer
Billy Jameson - Fisherman and husband of Martha
Sarah Jameson - Secretary of Roy. Mother of Billy.


Places
Deplume Warehouse where victim worked.
Whipper Home
Whitier Bar and Grill Where Whinny and Sammy would eat.
Some witnesses say they would sometimes get a private room.
July 18
The Bluetech Savage Club


Motives
Crime of Jealousy
 
Crime of Revenge  
Crime of Passion  
Crime for Profit  
Cover-up  
Additional Notes
 
Whinny Whipper Found Sammy's body floating in the ocean next to a boat. Will Oscar Dehound think to find out to whom the boat belongs? Stay BookMarked and see if you can figure the mystery out.  
July 19
The person who owns the boat has not been mentioned yet.
 

TV Information
ABC - Not a thing on worth watching
CBS - Not a thing on worth watching
NBC - Not a thing on worth watching
FOX, WB, UPN In fierce competition with the other networks, they have succeeded in copying their rivals.

Humor

78.2% of all statistics are meaningless.

 


There was once a single man who lived in the city. Everyday he went to work and then came home. He liked the single life, but sometimes he would get lonely, and when that happened he would hire a whore. As the years went by, he eventually started craving something a little different. One day he saw an add in the newspaper: *Madam Zoe's - We Cater To Every Taste*. So he went to Madam Zoe's and informed her of his desire for something different. She said she had just the thing for him: a Rhode Island Red Rooster that gave the best blow job in town. She led him into a private room and left him alone with the rooster. The man spent three hours trying to cajole the rooster into giving him a blow job, with no success. He left Madam Zoe's very dissatisfied. Several months later he decided to give it a second chance, and returned to Madam Zoe's. This time the Madam said she KNEW she had just the thing for him. She led him into a dark room where several men were sitting around staring intently at a one way mirror. On the other side of the mirror was a woman in bed with a turkey. "Wow! That's Nuts!" said the man. The other men turned to him and one of them said "Oh, that's nothing! You should have been here a couple of months ago when the guy spent three hours trying to get a blow job from a rooster!
A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump. "I'll take that bet," the blonde replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped form the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50. "No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies, "I owe you $50 dollars." The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you don't understand, I saw the 5:30 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out." "That's okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

SaySexy Unscramble Me

Ignore Boxes with the $ sign in them.

If you put the wrong letter in the box, instead of the letter remaining there, you will see * in the box.

You may either type the letter into the upper boxes or you may click on the letter in one of the lower boxes. It will appear in the middle box. When you click on an empty box, the letter in the middle box will appear in the empty box unless it is the wrong letter and then * will appear. The click routine may not work in all browsers including Netscape.

The underscore _ goes between words.

Note: You may find it helpful to remove (backspace over) letters from the bottom boxes as you use them. Until I write out a program to generate the script, errors may occur in the provided letter boxes though I do try to double check.

Have Fun!

Clue:
too easy to give a clue


Put the words into the above boxes
Unscramble Letters Below Into Words
 
This puzzle and java routine was done by Chuck Peters

Some routines were copied and modified from a crossword puzzle done
by Joseph S. Kraft
Solution to Previous Puzzle:

rutherford_b_hayes

Factoid
The Wizard of Oz was a Broadway musical 37 years before the MGM film version was made..

What is the difference between a Mystery Novel and a Suspense Novel?

A Mystery Novel is puzzle-oriented and provides clues so that the reader can attempt to solve the mystery along with the detective, reporter, or who ever in the story is trying to solve the mystery.

A Suspense Novel or Thriller is more action oriented with the main characters trying to accomplish/stop something.  These Novels tend be Spy or Conspiracy, or Terrorism Novels.


Speculation
What book category might Columbo be correctly placed?


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